Author: Scot Stephens

Whether you are a BDSM novice or an expert, you have likely heard of BDSM aftercare. Unfortunately, many people often overlook it. A lot of sex educators believe that doing so can make or break a BDSM relationship.

However, it is relatively easy to establish proper BDSM aftercare for the slave and master. This article will discuss some ways in which you can practice this recuperating habit. So check out this BDSM aftercare guide to learn more!

What Is BDSM Aftercare?

It’s no secret that BDSM sex is intense. It requires a lot of prep time and clear communication. But many things can go wrong even if you establish definite boundaries and experience unforgettable orgasms.

Overall, BDSM is much more complicated than dressing your partner up in latex and dominating them with wax and floggers. Moreover, using chains, ball gags, animal tail butt plugs, or shiny anal hooks may seem like the right thing to do in the heat of passion.

However, many people neglect to consider the aftermath of a truly intense session. In reality, it can cause physical and psychological damage if you are not careful. Fortunately, BDSM aftercare can help you avoid that in submissive and dominant relationships. It can also boost your sexual experience.

Essentially, BDSM aftercare is a term for the time you devote to your partner after any kind of sex. It is indispensable because it will allow both partners to nurture their emotional and physical needs. Aftercare can provide some well-needed downtime during which both partners can recover. Even if you are into BDSM activities that aren’t extreme, aftercare is simply a necessity.

Why Is It Needed?

Firstly, BDSM exists in the realms of fantasy. It rarely reflects our day-to-day lives. Even if your partner can’t wait to put on their dominatrix suit and whip you into submission, they may not want to continue with that role in real life. And that’s why you need some form of aftercare.

Overall, it offers both partners an opportunity to recalibrate. Both roles should practice it to reset their bodies and minds. It also allows a relationship to return to its normal state and avoid any harm.

An extreme yet typical example of BDSM-related damage is the so-called sub drop. It can also occur in doms, but subs are more susceptible to it. In a nutshell, the sub drop is caused by the sudden endorphin rush. Intense scenes and physical exertion can cause it, as well as a depletion in blood sugar. It’s similar to a post-orgasm high. The rush is so high that it can cause the sub to feel fatigued. What’s more, they could be fully incapacitated after a session.

The drop can also result in dehydration and fatigue, as well as depression. That’s why aftercare is equally as crucial as prepping before a session or using safewords.

Physical and Emotional Aftercare

Ultimately, aftercare depends on how you communicate. It will be your responsibility to find the methods that work best for both roles. If your partner isn’t willing to put in some post-sex effort, it may be time to rethink your relationship.

So what does it mean to reset after an intense BDSM sexual encounter? It requires several post-sex activities that allow the mind and body to cool down.

Commonly, aftercare can consist of anything from cleaning up equipment, offering food and refreshments, to cuddling or kissing. It should involve examining the sub’s body for any damage or wounds, depending on the activity you engaged in. Sometimes, formal contracts could pinpoint and define various methods. It may be wise to use a contract if you are planning a long-term relationship, especially if severely intense fetishes such as painplay are involved.

Furthermore, sex aftercare ensures that nobody feels abused, used, and degraded (except if that is the goal). Both partners should feel safe and cared for, especially after a highly intense BDSM scene. Other forms of aftercare could involve emotional comfort, a deep massage, a romantic bath, and active conversation.

When it comes to conversation, it is crucial to discuss the various kinks you have attempted during the session. Both partners could talk about their fetishes and remind each other that their BDSM kinks were an entirely normal part of sex. If something was off about the session, you should always discuss it with your partner. That way, you will not build up any negative emotions.

Aftercare could also be a way to enhance your next session and make it even more pleasurable. As mentioned, there’s a chance that doms could also experience a drop, so it’s vital to pay attention to both sides.

BDSM in Relationships

While it’s intensely hot, BDSM can reveal many things about a relationship. It can facilitate communication and allow both partners to explore dominant and submissive roles. It can also allow them to learn each others’ desires. Additionally, both roles will get familiar with how they wish to be treated.

All of the above traits are essential in any relationship. However, BDSM creates a one-of-a-kind bond between a submissive partner and a dom.

One of the critical aspects of aftercare is that it ensures the needs of both parties are met. It encourages communication and allows the formation of a genuine emotional connection (if desired). Moreover, it makes sure that both partners are attentive and physically unharmed.

Finally, aftercare isn’t only practiced right after a BDSM session. It can last for a day, week, or more.

Final Thoughts

BDSM is an intricate art that takes a long time to master. You will need to establish specific relationship dynamics and consider the effects on both parties to reap the benefits fully.

You should think about prep time, equipment safety, roles, fetishes, and so much more in advance to avoid psychological damage. BDSM aftercare is an essential part of it all, and it will allow you to practice your kinks safely and responsibly! And when you get the hang of it, it will be time to restrain your sub, whip them, dominate them with sex toys, and make them a cup of tea once it’s all over!

What happens when BDSM goes wrong? How can you minimize injuries and other unwanted incidents? And is it possible to die during a BDSM scene? Take a look at our guide on BDSM gone wrong to find out!

What Is BDSM?

Firstly, BDSM is a general term that refers to a wide range of erotic and sexual practices. They can include bondage and discipline, dominance/submission, and even sadomasochism. BDSM incorporates a variety of sexual and even non-sexual practices that are performed by consenting adults.

To some, it could seem strange, but millions of people practice it worldwide. It has also gained popularity, and it has become normalized through popular movies like “Fifty Shades of Gray.” Consenting adults and sexual partners can try some BDSM activities to broaden their erotic horizons. Also, most BDSM kinks can create an intense adrenaline rush. It may not be possible to experience that during conventional sex.

Typically, some popular BDSM kinks include bondage, rough sex, roleplay, and master/slave dynamics. Other fetishes like anal training, chastity play, foot worship, femdom, and impact play are also common.

Also, don’t forget the use of fetish costumes, furniture, and accessories! That includes latex bodysuits, spanking benches, floggers, leather masks, cuffs, nipple clamps, etc. Sex toys like butt plugs, vibrators, and gag balls are also widely used BDSM for pleasure and/or pain. But, they can all contribute to a sex game gone wrong.

Rules in BDSM

It is important to note that BDSM could be a risky activity. If you are planning to try out some kinks on your partner, it would be unsafe to proceed without doing research first.

The most common practice in BDSM is to first discuss the rules. You have to determine your desires and limits. Overlooking minor details and not reading up on essential information could put beginners at risk. BDSM activities could have severe consequences if you don’t know what you’re doing or you simply take things too far.

Some partners could jump straight into a BDSM kink while thinking that they can easily back out of it. However, this is incredibly dangerous because BDSM requires experience. If you are trying it with one or multiple partners, note that you will need to trust all of the participants.

People can easily get carried away. If things go too far, it’s easy to get hurt and injured. Above all, BDSM beginners could make the mistake of not knowing how to operate their equipment. In some cases, BDSM can even end in death.

What Can Happen to Subs

Overall, untrained subs need to be aware of the possible consequences. BDSM can take its toll on your body and mind. It can definitely push your limits. However, there are some safety guidelines that you can follow. That includes RACK, PRICK, and SCC.

The most common philosophy is SCC. This stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. The method asks you to pose some questions regarding the safety, sanity, and consent of your session. Both partners will need to form an agreement before their scene. That way, they can determine the answers to those questions.

On the other hand, the RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) way is a bit different. With this method, you need to think about risk awareness, consent, and the chosen kink/activity. Lastly, PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink) is the most detailed safety method. It asks you to outline your responsibilities. Then, you need to assess how informed you are before you practice consensual sex or a risky fetish.

Risks With Subs

Subs usually allow their dominant partner to control their body and punish them. There’s no way of knowing if your partner will be able to control themselves. Untrained doms can go over what’s acceptable when they are in the zone. That can cause physical harm to subs. While it’s normal for a consensual BDSM scene to end in bruises, death by strangulation or something similar is certainly not the goal.

Actually, there have been some truly gruesome examples of BDSM accidents and kinks-gone-wrong scenarios over the years. For example, a woman named Natalie Connolly died from consensual rough sex and blunt force injuries that she willingly endured while having intoxicated and violent sex with her partner, John Broadhurst. He was charged with murder.

When Doms Get Too Rough

Experienced doms and subs spend a lot of time in researching their equipment and learning about the safest ways to use it. Bondage can end in significant discomfort if the doms ignore the proper safety procedures. It’s possible to sustain injuries like cuts, sprained ankles/wrists, and even bone fractures.

If the dom gets too rough and ignores the sub’s safe words or cries for help, the situation could turn violent. BDSM violence is very common among rookie doms who don’t know how to control themselves. In that case, the consent can disappear. The sexual act could turn into forced sex and rape. Find out how to use safewords from Cosmopolitan.

Yet, subs can also make the mistake of not knowing their limits. They could believe that what their dom is doing is not enough and that they can handle more pain or consensual abuse. However, they may not be aware that their body is unable to withstand all that pressure.

Lastly, we’ve said that death is definitely on the table during BDSM. You can accidentally kill your partner or yourself.

Many activities like erotic asphyxiation and even electrocution can end in your or your partner’s death. If taken too far, various forms of impact play can also cause serious injury or death. Ropes, hooks, bondage tools can also cause problems. Additionally, with fetishes like cock and ball torture and other forms of genital pain play, you have to be aware of your boundaries. It’s even possible to damage your sexual organs during those kinks. Another risk that can pose a danger is improper use of sex toys like pussy pumps, monster dildos, etc. That can end in infection or long term genital damage.

Why BDSM Is a Consensual Act

So how should you proceed before your first BDSM scene? The bottom line is that you’ll have to invest time into getting familiar with the culture and the lifestyle. Simply watching extreme pornography of rough anal training and torture in a dungeon won’t be enough. That will never allow you to experience what the activity is really like in real life.

The best way to begin is to research everything from the common rules to SSC or PRICK methods that we’ve mentioned before. If you and your partner are completely inexperienced, try not to stock up on torture instruments and massive sex toys from the get-go.

Always Form an Agreement

Like we’ve said, BDSM is all about consent. Without consent, it becomes a violent and forced activity that has much more in common with rape than kinky fun. Giving and getting consent for all of the activities you’re interested in is highly important. Of course, your partner may not agree with everything that you want to do.

It’s best to take things slowly when it comes to consent and only try entry-level BDSM kinks slowly. That can involve light paddling, spanking, and roleplay. You can view some BDSM beginner guides that will instruct you on the best activities to try for newbies.

And regardless of the kink, BDSM requires a detailed discussion on what to do. You and your partner will have to agree on your limits and desires. You can include several safewords that range from a mild warning to a stop-ASAP signal with limits. It’s always advisable to make an agreement on paper before each session. That way, you can determine the specific activities that will occur during the session. It’s possible to discuss the duration of those activities along with other details regarding equipment and sexual acts. A written agreement will be much easier to stick to as opposed to a verbal one. With it, you and your partner will gain better control over your impulses and therefore minimize the risk of injury.

Finally, you should also consider aftercare. This is an essential practice that will allow you to return to reality once the session ends. It can help with any sustained pain and minimize mental trauma. Aftercare methods like cuddling and offering emotional support will also allow you to reminisce and connect to your partner on a deeper level.

Final Thoughts on BDSM Safety

In conclusion, it’s not always easy for both partners to contain their sexual urges during risky moments. But, if you do your research and learn about the safe handling of equipment and other safety practices, you could have a safe, sane, and consensual yet incredibly dirty and kinky BDSM session. Good luck!

There is a chance that you are one of many people who want to learn more about this interesting subculture. The main problem is how to start. You see so many people that are experienced in BDSM; they live this unique lifestyle, and you might want to join but don’t know how.

We can help you. There are several things you need to understand before you can try experimenting on your own. The best way to know more about BDSM play is to enroll in a BDSM class or a seminar. Let’s see what you can expect if you decide to educate yourself in this form of sex play.

BDSM Lifestyle

For some, BDSM is something they experiment with in the bedroom, and it is a form of roleplaying with their partner. For others, BDSM can be so much more — it is a lifestyle. They are completely invested in it, and they enjoy spending every second of their lives in this world. This is why you hear about people going out with dog collars, butt plugs, cock cages, and other props.

BDSM scene does not stay in the bedroom, and it doesn’t even have to involve sex. Yes, you read it right. Dominant/submissive relationships are complex, intense, and emotional, but this doesn’t mean that every session will end with sex. Many people enjoy bondage from an aesthetic perspective, and there is nothing sexual in it. This is especially common with Shibari, a Japanese binding technique, which focuses on beautiful patterns while tying a person and on the visual aspect of it.

The BDSM community was wrongly portrayed by Fifty Shades of Grey. The movie inaccurately represents people who love kinkier things, and it doesn’t show the real situation, emotion, and heart behind it. A couple in a BDSM relationship deeply care for each other. They will ensure that both parties have a pleasurable experience, and consent (importance of consent in BDSM) is a crucial part of the process. So, no, there are no contracts that anyone needs to sign.

Since the scene can be quite intense, couples always have a safe word that will alert them of someone’s limits or what they are not willing to do. It’s all part of the fun, but it is only enjoyable if every party is having a good time.

BDSM Classes and Seminars

If you are inexperienced in BDSM, the first thing you need to do is research. You need to inform yourself about the different aspects of BDSM, what it is, and how everything works. Naturally, some basic elements are self-explanatory, like handcuffs and blindfolds, but for others, you’ll need to do your homework.

The reason why this is so important is that some parts of BDSM require a lot of practice and work. You don’t want to hurt yourself or your partner, and you need to understand what it is all about. It requires a lot of reading and studying to fully understand the essence of BDSM.

If something seems like a good idea, you’ll need to know how to maximize the pleasure and lower the risk involved. The easiest way to get to know more about sex toys, impact play, dominance, bondage, or anything else about BDSM is to attend a class or a seminar.

There are numerous classes available online that will give you a lot of necessary information. Ideally, you will attend a couple of classes from different sources, which will allow you to better understand the whole picture. These classes are designed to provide details about how things work and eliminate stigma and disinformation running around.

Many cities across the U.S. have local classes and workshops, and if you have one near you, give them a try. You might enjoy learning more about this fascinating culture and lifestyle.

What to Expect

Each class is different, so based on the type you pick, you’ll be able to learn about a variety of things. There is one thing that applies to all classes and seminars about BDSM — they are not porn. These websites and classes are dedicated to educating and informing people about different kinks and spheres within BDSM. So if you are expecting to get porn, you’re in the wrong place.

Websites often incorporate traditional aspects of BDSM and fetishes and explain every bit of information you need to know if you are a beginner in this area. One of the options you can check out is Crow Academy and some of the beginner classes they have to offer.

The first BDSM class is usually reserved for absolute beginners and those who know nothing about BDSM. It explains roles, terms, and why so many people find it exciting. From there on, you can learn more about domination and submission, and each role fits into the whole picture.

You can also find classes about bondage, which will explain more about techniques, knots, and the necessary equipment you’ll need. Furthermore, flogging is something you probably associate with BDSM, and there are seminars that will help you understand the art behind it. 

There is so much variety with BDSM. You can learn about canes, spanking, tools, toys, roles, and even how to create a full scene from start to finish. This is just the tip of the iceberg. It is safe to say that there are no limits to what you can learn and how you can enjoy yourself with your partner. Are you into pet play? Done. Looking for a way to incorporate BDSM into your life 24/7 every day of the week? Easy. The choice is yours.

Summary

The only way to learn more about BDSM is to start exploring and discovering more about this subculture. Probably the easiest way to start your journey is to attend a class and learn from those who are experienced in the field.

They will explain important parts, debunk common misunderstandings, and help you get on your feet. The only thing you need to do is start learning and understand what the secret of BDSM is.

There are absolutely no requirements for using sex machines! Whether you’re a man or a woman, young or old (maybe not too old, though), and whatever your sexual orientation may be, sex machines are suitable for anyone brave enough to use them. 

If your sex life is getting a little dull despite all the efforts you made, maybe it’s time to spice things up! Let us guide you through why sex machines are undoubtedly superior to all other sex toys! It’s time for a story of fun times, experimenting, insanely high speeds, and out-of-this-world orgasms.

Sex Machines vs. Sex Toys

Many of us have entered the world of sex toys and aids at one point or another. After all, these exist to rekindle that flame between the sheets! From dildos and vibrators of all shapes and sizes to butt plugs and anal beads — nobody can deny the versatility that these props bring. However, discovering sex machines, also known as fuck machines, is like opening the golden gates of heaven for most people! And now, the angels are singing…

But before you jump to any conclusions, no, we’re not talking about some cyborg-like creature (we’re sure some of you have such fantasies, but we don’t judge!). Instead, these devices are merely things like self-powered dildos or vibrators that will do most of the work for you.

But what are the differences between them and regular sex toys? Well, it’s simple, really. Sex machines, unlike regular sex toys, give you more freedom to lie back and enjoy yourself while the device does all the work for you! 

Do you hear that? You pick the speed, the position, basically whatever you want, and enjoy! That sounds like a clear winner in our book.

These machines can help you achieve whatever it is you want — whether it’s an out-of-this-world orgasm or just a warm-up before the “real thing,” they got you covered! Ultimately, they can serve you an orgasm on a silver platter much easier than regular toys can. 

However, keep in mind that sex machines might not be for everyone. After all, it all depends on personal preference, but we’d personally recommend you to at least give them a shot!

Different Speeds

This part is where we urge you to stop calling your partner “a sex machine,” and you’re about to find out why. Of course, self-powered thrusting sex machines have different speeds they operate on. And based on your needs and preferences, you choose how fast your mechanical lover will go! 

Now, you might be thinking: “I’m sure it can’t go THAT fast…” Well, it can. Let’s do some quick math, shall we? An average man can thrust about 48 times per minute, and that sure seems like a lot. After all, it’s relatively typical that those speeds wear you out pretty quickly.  

Well, to your delight, some machines with adjustable speeds can go from 0 to 250 thrusts PER MINUTE! That’s four thrusts per second (wait, what?). Obviously, speeds that high should be handled carefully and are not for the faint of heart. So be wary if you decide to go to that extreme. To have an idea on the features of sex machines and how much they cost, you can go to https://lovegasm.co/collections/sex-machines. Make sure to read its speed capacity, so you don’t get surprised how fast they can go, when you finally use them.

Orgasms Are Much More Intense

Are you looking for a crazy orgasm? Truth be told, we’re all different; therefore, some people reach orgasms easily and regularly, while some may never experience it. So if you’ve never had an orgasm before, sex machines could be your savior! But even if you’re like most people out there, it’s safe to say that these devices will make your climaxes much more intense. 

Now, because sex machines are way more convenient for you to use than regular sex toys, as you don’t get tired from “doing all the work,” you get to pick the pace and switch positions as you please, etc., they offer some interesting possibilities. For example, they’ll allow you to get to know your body way better than ever before. You’ll be able to pinpoint precisely what feels good and where. Overall, you’re in for a wild ride!

Sex Machines Are Used By People Who Want to Spice Up Their Alone-Time or Sex With Partner

Now that we’ve acknowledged the fact that a sex machine can open up new horizons for you, let’s talk about what it might be like trying one with a partner. The first thing that might come to mind is: “How is your average man going to compete with 250 thrusts per minute?” Well, the truth is, he doesn’t need to, and he won’t. 

Speed is adjustable, but what about the size? The only thing that may be an inconvenience about sex machines is that they can be pretty big. That might make them tricky to maneuver around if you’re trying to have fun with both them and your partner at the same time. However, there are mini sex machines that make doubling up much easier for both of you. 

When you think about it, fucking machines add a whole new layer of fun to your sex life, especially with your partner! However, it’s essential to talk to your partner before bringing a sex machine into your bed. After all, communication is crucial in a relationship. Can you imagine just pulling out a big machine in the middle of foreplay? It’s a bit intimidating if you ask us.

Final Thoughts

The sex toy industry has undoubtedly evolved from simple sex toys like dildos to fully automated, self-powered machines that will do your bidding at a simple press of a button! Fulfilling your desires and reaching mind-blowing orgasms has never been easier!  

However, it’s always smart not to get too carried away with your toys so that your partner doesn’t get jealous. But hey — they can get in on the action too! 

Owning a sex machine is about experimenting and exploring, being bold and adventurous, and pushing your boundaries, but one can’t help but wonder what comes next. But in the end, being comfortable and knowing what you like can boost your confidence, and these machines allow you to let yourself loose as much as you want.

If you are looking to spice up your sex life, learn more about rope play, find useful bondage tips, you’re in the right place. Bondage has been around for quite a while, and even vanilla couples implement elements of this BDSM culture. So, fasten your seatbelt, and dive into Bondage 101.

What Is Bondage?

Bondage is a part of the BDSM culture, and it involves restraining, binding, and tying for various reasons. Usually, bondage is sexual, but that’s not always the case. Many people enjoy the aesthetic aspect of ropes and binding, and for them, it would act as a performance. Regardless of the motives, the core idea behind bondage is restraining someone.

Usually, one person is submissive, and they will enjoy helplessness, restraint, and immobility. On the other hand, the dominant partner gets the thrill from being in control of the action.

As with any other type of power play, rope bondage is entirely voluntary and consensual. The couple will set limitations and rules so that both parties can enjoy whether the goal is sexual pleasure or anything else. Finally, there are many forms of bondage within the BDSM community. For example, Japanese shibari, where the main focus is on aesthetics and creating beautiful knots and patterns.

Who Can Enjoy Bondage Sex?

The best part of bondage play is that anyone can enjoy it. Gender is not important for this subculture. As long as you are into Dom/Sub play, you can have fun. Essentially, you’d have a tough time trying to pinpoint a specific group of people who enjoy rope play — it is everywhere.

As previously mentioned, the core idea behind bondage is power play. That means that anyone can be tied as long as they are into submissiveness. Different types of bondage attract different people. It is not rare to see partners practice shibari without sex. Many see bondage as an art form too. You just have to find someone who shares the same views as you do.

Ankle and Wrist Cuffs

When it comes to sex toys used in bondage, cuffs are probably the most common one. Today, using wrist cuffs during sex is something that many would consider vanilla. But you don’t have to go full Fifty Shades of Grey to enjoy bondage. Adding something as simple as cuffs can significantly spice up your sex life.

There are many different cuff types and models available on the market due to the popularity of these accessories. While you can use regular handcuffs, they can be uncomfortable and boring. It might be a lot better to get something fluffy and colorful instead. Similarly, ankle cuffs can restrain legs only, which will allow the couple to experiment with exciting sex positions.

Bondage Tape

Are you looking to do some housework? Is your pipe leaking? Get bondage tape! Unfortunately, you won’t be able to do any repairs with it since, unlike the duct tape, it only sticks to itself. But hey — you can use it in the bedroom instead! The main advantage of the tape is that you won’t have to worry about skin or hair sticking to the tape and potential painful removal afterward.

These are made of PVC, and they are incredible! Moreover, the tape is stretchy and shiny!

Spreader Bars

The next stop on the list is spreader bars. If you have never seen one of these, they look rather similar to cuffs. However, the main difference between wrist/ankle cuffs and a spreader is that the latter has a bar in place of the chain. That way, the person wearing it won’t be able to move their hands or legs or bring them together.

Bars can be a great addition to bondage, and you can imagine how exciting it would be if your partner had to have their arms or legs spread at all times.

Restraints

Now, restraints are a pretty broad category. They cover all toys and accessories used for forcing a person to be in a specific position. Among the most popular restraints are ball gags, anal hooks, armbinders, harnesses, collars, chains, but also cuffs and tapes.

As you can see, all of these are used to control (restrict) a person’s movement or body part. Naturally, the couple can combine a couple of different accessories during their session to make everything more exciting and fun.

Chastity Devices

Chastity toys like belts or cages are part of the BDSM restraints. The idea behind them is orgasm control. The person wearing the toy won’t be able to have sex or masturbate, which is quite common in a Dom/Sub relationship.

People with a penis usually wear cock cages, and they cannot get an erection or have an orgasm while wearing these. Vagina owners, on the other hand, can use belts. The Dom is usually the keyholder, and they will decide when their Sub can remove the device and experience pleasure. Chastity devices are also great for tease and denial.

If you’re into tease and denial, you might want to see these tease and denial games.

Bondage Rope

You can hardly imagine bondage without ropes. Many people call this type of BDSM rope play, and you would have a challenging time trying rope play without a rope. There are so many types of them available, and you will need to consider materials, length, and of course, color (pick something that goes great with your eyes).

The type of rope you will pick should mostly depend on the person you’re tying, and the type of bondage you like. Some are great for knots and shibari since they provide a lot of friction, while others are better for beginners and those learning the way of bondage.

Summary

Bondage is fun. There are so many elements you can implement into your sex life. This part of the BDSM focuses on restraint, which is usually a part of power play.

If that seems exciting, you’ll be delighted to know that there are so many toys you can try out. The most popular types are ropes, cuffs, tapes, and spreader bars. Feel free to experiment, and who knows, you might find something that you’ll thoroughly enjoy.

Being a submissive isn’t for just anyone. Many people struggle with grasping the concept of it alone.

However, we have some simple ways and tips on how you can become a submissive yourself. If you think this lifestyle is the one you want, then keep on reading.

Is This What You Really Want?

Many people find themselves confused when they face terms like kink, power play, BDSM, dominance, and submission.

Before deciding whether or not these things are for you, it’s vital to do some research first. Learn the basics and the whats of it all. And after you learn the “what”, you can move onto the “how.” So how can you implement your newly acquired knowledge to your bedroom? It can be tricky at first.

Power play can be emotionally draining. It requires a high level of trust with your partner, and that takes a long time to build. That’s why this process is a slow and steady one and can’t be rushed.

Roleplay Sex

Roleplay is a fantastic way to display and practice your submission. It’s a lot of fun too!

So roleplay is perfect for beginners. You can practice all kinds of roles and scenarios. Talk to your partner and find something you’re both into. Some of the examples of imaginative roles to try are king/servant, student/teacher, boss/secretary, etc. Basically, any combination of a role of power and subordinate works.

Roleplaying can also ease you into what being a submissive is really like. You can learn words you can say and things to do as a good sub. Also, it will help you discover what kind of submissive you are. Not everyone’s tastes are identical or they enjoy the same things.

You can play out any sexual fantasies you’ve ever had too! That’s why roleplaying is particularly useful for new dom/sub relationships. It’s a learning experience whether you’re playing a student or not.

Bondage

Here comes another excellent way to practice being submissive — bondage sex.

This kink the one in which you literally play with control. Your partner has a lot of power over you, with you usually being tied up or restrained. That’s why trust is imperative. You don’t want to do this with someone you don’t know well and have full faith in.

There’s no need to get tied up in any fancy ways. Start slow and work your way up if you find this kink to be something you enjoy. But make sure you talk everything through if it’s your first time being tied up, just in case.

Words Are Powerful

You need to learn the sub lingo to be an excellent submissive partner. Addressing your dom appropriately will make a world of difference in the entire experience.

Using language is the best way to amp up the power dynamics. Yes, that goes even if you’re not playing out scenarios or engaging in roleplaying. When you learn how to speak like a sub, you will learn how to act like one too.

Just by using simple words or phrases, you put a lot of accent on the fact that your significant other is the dominant partner. Terms such as “sir,” “master,” and “please,” or phrases like, “I live to serve you,” and “I’m here to obey you” will make any dominant lose their mind over you.

You’ll immediately notice how it will make all the difference. So practice that while playing a role to avoid any initial awkwardness or embarrassment. You can also ask your partner what they would like to hear. Both parties should enjoy playing, right?

Ask for Permission

This point is exactly what it sounds like, except that it’s a little different than asking your mom for candy. In this case, you’re asking your dom for… a different type of satisfaction.

Asking for permission in the bedroom cements your role as a submissive. It’s as simple as that. There’s nothing like pleading and begging to spice up your BDSM sex scenes.

And it’s not only the mundane things you can ask permission for. You can also agree on not allowing specific things beforehand. That way, you can ask for permission to do/have them. We’re talking about actions like touching yourself or reaching orgasm. Another fantastic choice would be your partner kissing you.

Anything can be prohibited until it is allowed. It can also be a game of push and pull. Your partner can decide to allow something but revoke the permission at any time; you can only get what you deserve.

Ask Your Partner to Punish You

Once you agree on some rules, they’re set in stone, right? Wrong!

Before you get into all the punishing, make sure you communicate first. Of course, there are safewords put in place should anything go wrong. But it’s wise to determine things before any BDSM activities take place.

Talk about what punishments are going to be. Don’t immediately go to extremes, especially if you’re new to all of this. That will surely create the power dynamic you’re aiming for.

We already spoke about permission, so let’s say you do something without said permission. Your partner has to punish you and teach you a lesson. So how can they do that? Spanking or withholding affections could be excellent choices.

And if you decide that is something you enjoy, you can move on to more “extreme” punishments. You should talk about it all, though. After all, you must ensure the safety of both parties involved.

Pain Play

Some BDSM plays involve receiving or inflicting pain. However, being part of the community doesn’t automatically mean you’ll find this kink enjoyable.

But if you do, there’s a lot for you to explore and experiment with. Pain play isn’t for the faint of heart, though. It requires prior education too. Again, being a sub doesn’t mean you necessarily enjoy pain.

Overall, if you do decide to try this kink, starting slow and steady is crucial. You can experiment with spanking, slapping, hair-pulling, or choking. But approach choking with extreme care to avoid any possible injuries. This type of play can have fatal consequences if not careful, so please exercise caution.

Utilize Toys

There are many different sex toys and BDSM accessories that can help get you into the right mindset.

Not only that, but you can invest in costumes too! No roleplay is complete without a costume to accentuate your respective roles. You don’t have to go to a store to buy your outfits, though. Take whatever you have in your closet and use that instead.

Some of the helpful toys you can utilize are handcuffs, blindfolds, whips, and such. It all depends on what you and your partner prefer. As always, both parties will have to agree upon all the terms before anything happens.

Summary

BDSM lifestyle isn’t that difficult to lead or maintain. The only question is — is it really the life you want? If so, we’re sure you’ll have buckets of fun!

Preparing a fun BDSM scene… What does it entail? There are a few steps you should follow, but don’t worry — none of them are extraordinary.

Much like any playtime, this, too, should be planned with care. Take both parties into consideration, and you’re bound to enjoy any kind of scene.

Communicate

Regardless of what you might think of BDSM, communication is one of its key parts.

Preparation is where you and your partner get to talk about the nature of the scene. Set some ground rules to follow, you know. Express your wishes regarding how you’d like the scene to unfold. That is the “terms and conditions” of your scenario, and both parties have to agree.

Communication allows you to be vulnerable with your partner. At the same time, you’re getting to know them better. You can decide to explore something new or stick to what you know. Either way, talk it out.

Use Safewords

Part of your communication session should involve discussing safewords. BDSM play can sometimes get rough, so having safe words is handy when you can’t continue.

There are both verbal and non-verbal safewords. Which one you choose depends on the nature of your scene. What does that mean? It means that if one person is gagged, for example, they can’t use a verbal safeword (duh!).

A verbal safeword can be anything — any word or phrase that will stand out of the scene. Yes, “stop” can be a safe word too, and a great one at that. But, again, it might not be fit for all types of scenes.

Non-verbal safewords include body language — think tapping out but BDSM style. It can be anything from raising your hands, snapping, waving, etc.

You should revise these at the beginning of the scene so that everyone’s on the same page.

Imagine the Scenes

Everything starts in our minds, and so do our kinks.

You can utilize visualization in two ways: imagining beforehand and imagining afterward. Imagining beforehand allows you to visualize what you want precisely. Think of it in a lot of detail. Try to predict what can happen or if possible issues can occur. All of the information you gather here you can present to your partner later.

Imagining afterward is great if you want that extra sense of control. It allows you to be one step ahead by imagining exactly how you think the scene will unfold. That can also give you a greater sense of safety.

Your scene isn’t set in stone, though. Always keep in mind that sometimes things won’t go as planned. People’s moods can change easily, and they might not be up for something previously agreed on. It’s perfectly okay for the scene to change last minute.

Prepare Your Sex Toys

It’s time to whip out your BDSM accessories. Toys, whips and chains, bondage items, anything you think you’ll need.

Visualization should have helped you decide what gadgets you’ll need. Maybe there was a discussion about them as well. Either way, you need to prepare them properly.

That includes charging them, swapping batteries, thoroughly cleaning them (before and after). You should also lay them out somewhere closeby for your convenience unless you like going back and forth between your toys and your partner.

You can include toys that aren’t agreed upon too. Just in case the mood entirely switches mid-scene.

Clean Yourself

We hope this is something that we didn’t even need to mention. But while we’re here, let’s talk about getting ready.

Think of your scene as going on a date. You wouldn’t go on a date without proper preparation. So, this is a part of your before-care. It involves doing anything that makes you feel good and ready to go.

Take a bath or a shower, brush your teeth, shave, fix your hair. Do some makeup even, why not?! Make sure you dress for the occasion too. Don’t wear jewelry, though — some BDSM activities can break them. For example, if your partner accidentally tugged onto your necklace and now it’s all on the floor. Take it off and keep it safe.

In case anal play is, well, in play, make sure you clean your backdoor thoroughly. Nobody wants any accidents happening. And just like that, you’re ready for your date.

Know how to properly clean your ass before anal sex in this article.

Relax

This works the same as the previous step. Do whatever helps you relax and get in the right mood.

Having the right mindset going into the scene helps more than you think. There’s no need to stress or be nervous. You’re going into a safe space and a safe situation. And of course, there’s a way out if things become too much for you to handle.

So, listen to some music, light some candles, meditate. You can drink some tea but no alcohol! Whether you’re a dom or a sub, alcohol is a big no. Stay in your right mind.

Aftercare

Aftercare is a crucial part of any BDSM play. Whether it’s a whole scene or just a small session, aftercare should be mandatory.

This is the part of BDSM that makes it so caring. It is also the part that helps you build stronger relationships. Some plays can be a little harsh, both physically and emotionally. Some can be triggering and cause actual injuries.

What aftercare does is takes care of all of that. You’re helping your partner ground themselves and remove themselves from the fantasy. Sometimes you’ll have to pay special attention to your significant other’s physical, mental, and emotional needs, depending on the type of play you were participating in.

That involves taking care of possible injuries too — not only cuddling and talking are parts of a good aftercare routine. When plays are rough, aftercare should be gentle. Basically, aftercare is making sure everyone is safe, okay, and happy after playing around.

Summary

Preparing and going through with a BDSM scene requires certain steps. None of them are too complicated to execute.

What matters is having open communication with your partner. Setting ground rules, having proper before and aftercare as well. Use some imagination, and you’re looking at a successful, satisfying, BDSM scene.

I can already hear the mashing of teeth and the howls of disapproval when people read this article: “What? I’m supposed to whip my partner or let them whip me so that we can feel more intimate with each other?” Well Yea! Got a problem with that?

Intimacy in Marriage and All Long Term Relationships Is Hard

BDSM is an acronym that stands for Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism. That’s quite a mouthful but the variety within this topic can stretch from very tame BDSM to some serious heavy BDSM that only a few serious practitioners get involved in. The gay community has led the way in using BDSM for intimacy but the straight community is catching up fast, especially since people started reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

The internet loves to show shocking controversial images and I think that may give people not familiar with BDSM the idea BDSM is always some violent painful act. It doesn’t have to be.

Just to be clear I’m not advocating that all of you run out right now and buy whips and ropes in order to save your relationship. Whether any couple decides to explore the BDSM world or not, understanding the psychology behind it and why two people who love each other would want to journey into this realm can help any relationship.

BDSM Safety

Let me remind you of the safety protocols for sane BDSM:

• BDSM is practiced by two or more consenting adults
• All adults have educated themselves appropriately in the topic of BDSM
• Standard communication protocols that create safety and are understood and agreed to by all parties
• Safe sexual practices to prevent the spread of STDs is always employed

BDSM As An Act of Love

BDSM can either be a disconnected act between two strangers or it can be a road map to a more intimate connection between two people. In order for a loving couple to practice BDSM with loving intimacy, the sub must be willing to open up all of his body, mind and soul to the DOM; hiding nothing and dropping all defenses. The DOM needs to understand the sub so well that he can create a scene that will actually allow the sub to feel safe enough to give himself over.

In order for the sub to be that vulnerable, the DOM must do everything in his power to create a sense of trust and safety with his sub or he won’t get what he wants; the complete control of his sub. The DOM’s role is not an easy one. There is a lot of responsibility and a lot of effort put into dominating and controlling a partner in just the right way in order to create the chemistry that both of them are looking for.

This requires the DOM to also be open and honest with the sub; not deceiving, manipulative or hiding his own emotions from the sub. The DOM has to build a bond of trust and honesty so strong with the sub that the sub will be willing to open up all of his body, mind and soul to the DOM. With no defenses activated between the two people there are no barriers to that ultimate and some say spiritual meeting of the souls.

The sub lets go of any fear in his ego-mind that blocks love and intimacy from flowing freely. That deeper connection the two experience is very intimate and if the DOM can meet him in that place giving his own body, mind and soul to the experience, whats more intimate then that?

Healthy loving intimacy = vulnerability

When two people drop all of their ego-needs and really connect on that heart level the experience is like nothing else in the realm of human experience. This can be an empowering experience for both people. It can be a recipe for intimacy: intimacy equals vulnerability. Vulnerability is experienced when two people drop all of their defenses and open completely to each others. This requires a lot of trust in each other. The sub trusts the DOM to not hurt him, the DOM trust the sub to not reject him. The dialog, often unspoken is complete and without restriction.

Full Time BDSM?

In some BDSM relationships the role of DOM and sub are only played out in the act of sex and love-making. Some couples find that a more complete BDSM lifestyle works for them. In the more complete BDSM lifestyle the roles of control, domination and submission extend beyond the bedroom into other aspects of their lives together. This is a personal choice between the partners. They get to build a working relationship together. The important thing is that both people are knowledgeable and nobody is being manipulated by the other.

Don’t get me wrong, BDSM is not the only way to accomplish this meeting of the souls. It is one of many ways to your joint souls. If you are looking for ways to spice up your long term relationship and help keep it alive then BDSM is a worthy consideration.

Are you ready to start making positive change today?

 

It is this form of masturbation that causes the most misconceptions. Some believe that a person who loves anal games is a pervert and immoral, others believe that doing this may in some way question their sexual orientation. There are also those who have an entrance through the “back door” is closed, because to “open” it for them means to feel your vulnerability. As you can see, personal perception largely influences how far a person goes in experiments with anal stimulation.

Willingness for anal games suggests that a person is satisfied with himself and his body. It also indicates that he or she does not allow outsiders to influence their expression of sexuality and considers it completely natural. Without changing this open mindset, this article will tell you about anatomy. Can you cure or worsen erectile dysfunction using butt plug? This information will be useful to both men and women, of course, with the exception of the section on prostate stimulation.

Anus

Anus – is a hole in the body, which is concentrated with a large number of nerve endings. Its primary function is to eliminate excrement from the body. The anus is the anal opening in the skin. This is part of a complex system consisting of arbitrarily and involuntarily contracting muscles and other sphincters. The anal canal, located between the rectum and the anus, is about 4 cm long, while in women it is usually shorter.

Does it hurt during anal masturbation?

Anal masturbation gives a completely new feeling. At first, you may experience some discomfort, but this is just because of the unusual sensations. Moreover, an extremely strong tension can manifest itself in the contraction of the external sphincter, thus, the anus will be very tightly compressed, which will make penetration more difficult. It is best to do something before this that will relieve tension, for example, go for a run or get a massage. If, following our advice, you still feel discomfort, it is better not to force yourself. Perhaps now is not the time for you to try something like that. Try buying dildo for your online date and you will never regret it!

Why do it at all?

Anal games play a certain role in the sexual life of a person, mainly due to the pleasure that can be obtained during them. If, starting to masturbate anally, you feel a lot of excitement, then, most likely, as a result, you will experience many pleasant sensations. With a correct posture, and with the help of anal masturbation, you can indirectly stimulate the female point G or the male prostate gland (prostate), and even get an orgasm. There is evidence that orgasm from anal masturbation can be experienced without stimulating the clitoris / penis or point G / prostate. The very thought of anal penetration itself can be quite exciting; the provocation and non-traditional nature of this activity may not be a joke.

There are also other reasons to engage in anal masturbation. Like any other form of self-satisfaction, it is important for uncovering a person’s sexuality, finding out how his body responds to various stimuli performed at a pleasant pace. Anal masturbation is also an excellent way to get rid of excessive stress, because some are so “clamped” that it is difficult to experience even a genital orgasm! Thanks to our creative minds masturbation can be now as boring and hard as it used to be. We now have a variety of anal toys that we can play around such as anal beads, jeweled butt plugs, travel-friendly vibrators, inflatables and tail plugs. Sex toys like the famous martian tail plugs is really a perfect addition to a person who is fond of aliens, animals and finds intense sexual arousal mimicking and playing with it during sex. If you’re into this kind of kinky scene visit loveplugs to learn more.

Anal masturbation is also a great way to prepare for anal games with your partner, no matter who you are: the initiator or the one to whom it is offered. Examining the anus in private can also relieve you of any embarrassment you might have if there were someone else around. For successful anal penetration it is especially important to relax. We can assure you that that masturbation is the only way to gain confidence before starting anal games with your partner.

Can Anal Masturbation Cause Anal Fissure?

Let’s be frank here — rough play in the anal area can cause many problems. Lack of lubrication will not only lead to a painful anal experience but fissures and cracks in the rectal canal. Just like a lack of fibers in your diet, excessive and hard motion inside of the anal canal will prove to be painful and dangerous.

Unfortunately, the pain will not only occur during the act of masturbation. It will appear while defecating, and in most cases, it will involve blood in the stool. As dangerous as it sounds, increased pressure from an unlubricated sex toy can cause you to shit blood. Hence, the real danger lies in the fact that the feces will infect the anal wound, which can lead to even worse scenarios.

One of these life-threatening plots involves Crohn’s disease. Just like anal cancer, this inflammatory bowel condition can cause severe damage, as well as death itself. Therefore, going to the doctor and being honest and clear about the situation is imperative. It’s essential to tell the truth because hiding some intimate details can lead to a wrong diagnosis.

So if you come across bloody stool and painful defecation after anal masturbation, don’t hesitate. Self-medicating and home remedies are not an option. Fissure healing can only be done by proper treatment. Contact your doctor immediately and tell them the truth. 

First Aid When the Anus Is Bleeding From Anal Masturbation

If, by any chance, you can’t instantly go to the clinic, sitting in warm water can somewhat ease the pain. Filling the bathtub with lukewarm water and resting the anus in it will provide instant help. Unfortunately, sitz baths are not a solution — they’re just a quick fix to buy you some time.

Again, we suggest getting an appointment with your doctor. Chronic anal fissure problems can easily be avoided if the patient acts quickly and responsibly. No matter how embarrassing it sounds and looks, the doctors have definitely seen worse. There’s no doubt about it. 

Also, eating high-fiber food can help with pain and discomfort as stool softeners reduce the pressure inside of the canal. Fruits, vegetables, beans, and legumes come with lots of fiber supplements. So managing your diet accordingly can prove vital in the healing process.

Can Butt Plugs Cause Hemorrhoids?

If we had a dollar for every time we heard: “What do hemorrhoids feel like, and can I get them from using anal toys?” we’d be… In all seriousness, using butt plugs won’t cause hemorrhoids all by itself. But using them irresponsibly can contribute to getting them.

These anal piles come in different forms, and most people don’t even feel hemorrhoid symptoms. It’s estimated that almost half of the people living on Earth have some sort of pile condition. Therefore, if you pull really hard while trying to get the toy out of the rectum, you can potentially cause a hemorrhoid rupture.

It goes without saying that if a person has this medical condition, it’s not recommended to play with anal toys. Adding fuel to the fire is never a smart option, and risking your health for anal stimulation is a big no for us.

We all heard the term at BDSM events or in forums, but what it is all about? What does it mean to be primal? Is it a fetish, is a style? We will dig a little deeper and understand what it means. Release your inner animal, here is your crash course on Primal packs.

WHO IS A PRIMAL AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

First of all, it is more of a style than a fetish. Being primal is different to everyone and there is no set tone of rules of protocols to follow. To be sexually primal means that one allows their animalistic – Their primal – self out when sexually aroused or during intercourse. You enjoy those basic, raw feelings coming out – whatever they may be. The more nonhuman seeming, the better.

HOW DO PRIMALS PLAY?

Primal sex and play, at times, might resemble a wrestling match in which the stronger or more dominant subdues the weaker. Sometimes it will be more playful, more dirty, more painful. Both parties do what their instincts dictate. There may be pressure points involved and some bondage but what sets primal play apart is the open display of raw emotions, sexual feelings. We forget about labels, roles during a primal play and picture ourselves as animals.

In the BDSM scene, some refer themselves neither as submissive, nor dominant but as primal. Why? Usually, the “dominant” who prefers primal play wants to fight – the pure and abject submission of the “submissive” isn’t what’s come into play.

BEING PRIMAL IS NOT PLAY PET

Most primals identify as particular animals, the most popular being wolfs, cats or apes. The style can be monogamous, by packs or pride or swing. If you join a primal swing, you should be aware of the rituals they establish, know the alpha, etc. Even though primals may engage in pet play, two can be distinctly different. There is no leashes or collars to assert submission and two (or more) partners might fight for dominance with each other. This can be as painful or violent remaining with primals personal limits. Contrary to what we may think, there is safe words, signals or grunts.

WHERE DOES A PRIMAL PLAY TAKE PLACE?

Like any fetish, it can happen anywhere. However, the favored environment is doing it outside, in nature, Keep a blanket or a tent in your truck for sudden urges. f you’re going to do some of the more edgy types of primal play in a public play space, be sure to let the DM’s know what it is you are doing. A primal play is just that…primal, and it can be disturbing to observers who may not be familiar with the concept of an s-type actually fighting back in earnest.

DOES IT INVOLVE TOYS?

Most of the primals enjoy a more hands-on approach to play, and no expensive tools or toys are required. You were born with all the kink toys you need for playing primal: teeth, nails, hair, and skin.

Primal play can involve biting, scratching, growling, grunting, roaring, screaming – animal like sound, hair grabbing and hair pulling. Because of the roughness, stuff can also happen like accidental elimination. Keep a towel and baby wipes as well as alcohol handy. Primal play involves amounts of fear play and rough body contact play – some associate primal play with edge play.

Try Googling chastity cage because it is commonly used in BDSM too. This is because it deprives men from the pleasure as punishment. In turn, chastity improves semen quality.

PRIMAL PACKS

Like any group of kinksters, primals sometimes gather in groups called packs. This small community may have a strict hierarchy with each individual understanding their place in the pack. Most of the time, the group will consist of one Alpha. Fight for dominance might happen to naturally elect a new Alpha – much like a wolf pack of a lion pride. It is not about physical strength; the best leader is the most competent person taking care of all the group.

NOT ALL ABOUT SEX

Not all primals are constant fuck fest – the pack can be a safe place when life gets rough. It is a group allowing to fuck, fight or cuddle depending on specific needs. For many packs, the purpose is to build trust among members and create their own family. It is to join a group that embraces your self-expression and who you are as a person, regardless of your kinks.

SOME VOCABULARY

Alpha ― The leader of a primal pack or pairing, the most dominant. (Sometimes, in a pack, there will be an alpha pairPredator ― A primal who takes on the role of the animal hunter who desires to capture prey

Prey ― A primal who takes on the role of the animal hunted who desires being captured by the predator hunter ― Someone who takes the role of the human hunter to catch and subdue the animal

Mate ― One you form a bond with through sex and other play

Pet ― (not exclusively primal), someone you might have sex with, but who are not accorded the rank of mate

Furry ― (Not exclusively primal or BDSM), one who enjoys giving emotions and feelings to animals with human-like tendencies and features