Preparing a fun BDSM scene… What does it entail? There are a few steps you should follow, but don’t worry — none of them are extraordinary.
Much like any playtime, this, too, should be planned with care. Take both parties into consideration, and you’re bound to enjoy any kind of scene.
Regardless of what you might think of BDSM, communication is one of its key parts.
Preparation is where you and your partner get to talk about the nature of the scene. Set some ground rules to follow, you know. Express your wishes regarding how you’d like the scene to unfold. That is the “terms and conditions” of your scenario, and both parties have to agree.
Communication allows you to be vulnerable with your partner. At the same time, you’re getting to know them better. You can decide to explore something new or stick to what you know. Either way, talk it out.
Part of your communication session should involve discussing safewords. BDSM play can sometimes get rough, so having safe words is handy when you can’t continue.
There are both verbal and non-verbal safewords. Which one you choose depends on the nature of your scene. What does that mean? It means that if one person is gagged, for example, they can’t use a verbal safeword (duh!).
A verbal safeword can be anything — any word or phrase that will stand out of the scene. Yes, “stop” can be a safe word too, and a great one at that. But, again, it might not be fit for all types of scenes.
Non-verbal safewords include body language — think tapping out but BDSM style. It can be anything from raising your hands, snapping, waving, etc.
You should revise these at the beginning of the scene so that everyone’s on the same page.
Imagine the Scenes
Everything starts in our minds, and so do our kinks.
You can utilize visualization in two ways: imagining beforehand and imagining afterward. Imagining beforehand allows you to visualize what you want precisely. Think of it in a lot of detail. Try to predict what can happen or if possible issues can occur. All of the information you gather here you can present to your partner later.
Imagining afterward is great if you want that extra sense of control. It allows you to be one step ahead by imagining exactly how you think the scene will unfold. That can also give you a greater sense of safety.
Your scene isn’t set in stone, though. Always keep in mind that sometimes things won’t go as planned. People’s moods can change easily, and they might not be up for something previously agreed on. It’s perfectly okay for the scene to change last minute.
Prepare Your Sex Toys
It’s time to whip out your BDSM accessories. Toys, whips and chains, bondage items, anything you think you’ll need.
Visualization should have helped you decide what gadgets you’ll need. Maybe there was a discussion about them as well. Either way, you need to prepare them properly.
That includes charging them, swapping batteries, thoroughly cleaning them (before and after). You should also lay them out somewhere closeby for your convenience unless you like going back and forth between your toys and your partner.
You can include toys that aren’t agreed upon too. Just in case the mood entirely switches mid-scene.
We hope this is something that we didn’t even need to mention. But while we’re here, let’s talk about getting ready.
Think of your scene as going on a date. You wouldn’t go on a date without proper preparation. So, this is a part of your before-care. It involves doing anything that makes you feel good and ready to go.
Take a bath or a shower, brush your teeth, shave, fix your hair. Do some makeup even, why not?! Make sure you dress for the occasion too. Don’t wear jewelry, though — some BDSM activities can break them. For example, if your partner accidentally tugged onto your necklace and now it’s all on the floor. Take it off and keep it safe.
In case anal play is, well, in play, make sure you clean your backdoor thoroughly. Nobody wants any accidents happening. And just like that, you’re ready for your date.
Know how to properly clean your ass before anal sex in this article.
This works the same as the previous step. Do whatever helps you relax and get in the right mood.
Having the right mindset going into the scene helps more than you think. There’s no need to stress or be nervous. You’re going into a safe space and a safe situation. And of course, there’s a way out if things become too much for you to handle.
So, listen to some music, light some candles, meditate. You can drink some tea but no alcohol! Whether you’re a dom or a sub, alcohol is a big no. Stay in your right mind.
Aftercare is a crucial part of any BDSM play. Whether it’s a whole scene or just a small session, aftercare should be mandatory.
This is the part of BDSM that makes it so caring. It is also the part that helps you build stronger relationships. Some plays can be a little harsh, both physically and emotionally. Some can be triggering and cause actual injuries.
What aftercare does is takes care of all of that. You’re helping your partner ground themselves and remove themselves from the fantasy. Sometimes you’ll have to pay special attention to your significant other’s physical, mental, and emotional needs, depending on the type of play you were participating in.
That involves taking care of possible injuries too — not only cuddling and talking are parts of a good aftercare routine. When plays are rough, aftercare should be gentle. Basically, aftercare is making sure everyone is safe, okay, and happy after playing around.
Preparing and going through with a BDSM scene requires certain steps. None of them are too complicated to execute.
What matters is having open communication with your partner. Setting ground rules, having proper before and aftercare as well. Use some imagination, and you’re looking at a successful, satisfying, BDSM scene.