What happens when BDSM goes wrong? How can you minimize injuries and other unwanted incidents? And is it possible to die during a BDSM scene? Take a look at our guide on BDSM gone wrong to find out!
What Is BDSM?
Firstly, BDSM is a general term that refers to a wide range of erotic and sexual practices. They can include bondage and discipline, dominance/submission, and even sadomasochism. BDSM incorporates a variety of sexual and even non-sexual practices that are performed by consenting adults.
To some, it could seem strange, but millions of people practice it worldwide. It has also gained popularity, and it has become normalized through popular movies like “Fifty Shades of Gray.” Consenting adults and sexual partners can try some BDSM activities to broaden their erotic horizons. Also, most BDSM kinks can create an intense adrenaline rush. It may not be possible to experience that during conventional sex.
Typically, some popular BDSM kinks include bondage, rough sex, roleplay, and master/slave dynamics. Other fetishes like anal training, chastity play, foot worship, femdom, and impact play are also common.
Also, don’t forget the use of fetish costumes, furniture, and accessories! That includes latex bodysuits, spanking benches, floggers, leather masks, cuffs, nipple clamps, etc. Sex toys like butt plugs, vibrators, and gag balls are also widely used BDSM for pleasure and/or pain. But, they can all contribute to a sex game gone wrong.
Rules in BDSM
It is important to note that BDSM could be a risky activity. If you are planning to try out some kinks on your partner, it would be unsafe to proceed without doing research first.
The most common practice in BDSM is to first discuss the rules. You have to determine your desires and limits. Overlooking minor details and not reading up on essential information could put beginners at risk. BDSM activities could have severe consequences if you don’t know what you’re doing or you simply take things too far.
Some partners could jump straight into a BDSM kink while thinking that they can easily back out of it. However, this is incredibly dangerous because BDSM requires experience. If you are trying it with one or multiple partners, note that you will need to trust all of the participants.
People can easily get carried away. If things go too far, it’s easy to get hurt and injured. Above all, BDSM beginners could make the mistake of not knowing how to operate their equipment. In some cases, BDSM can even end in death.
What Can Happen to Subs
Overall, untrained subs need to be aware of the possible consequences. BDSM can take its toll on your body and mind. It can definitely push your limits. However, there are some safety guidelines that you can follow. That includes RACK, PRICK, and SCC.
The most common philosophy is SCC. This stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. The method asks you to pose some questions regarding the safety, sanity, and consent of your session. Both partners will need to form an agreement before their scene. That way, they can determine the answers to those questions.
On the other hand, the RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) way is a bit different. With this method, you need to think about risk awareness, consent, and the chosen kink/activity. Lastly, PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink) is the most detailed safety method. It asks you to outline your responsibilities. Then, you need to assess how informed you are before you practice consensual sex or a risky fetish.
Risks With Subs
Subs usually allow their dominant partner to control their body and punish them. There’s no way of knowing if your partner will be able to control themselves. Untrained doms can go over what’s acceptable when they are in the zone. That can cause physical harm to subs. While it’s normal for a consensual BDSM scene to end in bruises, death by strangulation or something similar is certainly not the goal.
Actually, there have been some truly gruesome examples of BDSM accidents and kinks-gone-wrong scenarios over the years. For example, a woman named Natalie Connolly died from consensual rough sex and blunt force injuries that she willingly endured while having intoxicated and violent sex with her partner, John Broadhurst. He was charged with murder.
When Doms Get Too Rough
Experienced doms and subs spend a lot of time in researching their equipment and learning about the safest ways to use it. Bondage can end in significant discomfort if the doms ignore the proper safety procedures. It’s possible to sustain injuries like cuts, sprained ankles/wrists, and even bone fractures.
If the dom gets too rough and ignores the sub’s safe words or cries for help, the situation could turn violent. BDSM violence is very common among rookie doms who don’t know how to control themselves. In that case, the consent can disappear. The sexual act could turn into forced sex and rape. Find out how to use safewords from Cosmopolitan.
Yet, subs can also make the mistake of not knowing their limits. They could believe that what their dom is doing is not enough and that they can handle more pain or consensual abuse. However, they may not be aware that their body is unable to withstand all that pressure.
Lastly, we’ve said that death is definitely on the table during BDSM. You can accidentally kill your partner or yourself.
Many activities like erotic asphyxiation and even electrocution can end in your or your partner’s death. If taken too far, various forms of impact play can also cause serious injury or death. Ropes, hooks, bondage tools can also cause problems. Additionally, with fetishes like cock and ball torture and other forms of genital pain play, you have to be aware of your boundaries. It’s even possible to damage your sexual organs during those kinks. Another risk that can pose a danger is improper use of sex toys like pussy pumps, monster dildos, etc. That can end in infection or long term genital damage.
Why BDSM Is a Consensual Act
So how should you proceed before your first BDSM scene? The bottom line is that you’ll have to invest time into getting familiar with the culture and the lifestyle. Simply watching extreme pornography of rough anal training and torture in a dungeon won’t be enough. That will never allow you to experience what the activity is really like in real life.
The best way to begin is to research everything from the common rules to SSC or PRICK methods that we’ve mentioned before. If you and your partner are completely inexperienced, try not to stock up on torture instruments and massive sex toys from the get-go.
Always Form an Agreement
Like we’ve said, BDSM is all about consent. Without consent, it becomes a violent and forced activity that has much more in common with rape than kinky fun. Giving and getting consent for all of the activities you’re interested in is highly important. Of course, your partner may not agree with everything that you want to do.
It’s best to take things slowly when it comes to consent and only try entry-level BDSM kinks slowly. That can involve light paddling, spanking, and roleplay. You can view some BDSM beginner guides that will instruct you on the best activities to try for newbies.
And regardless of the kink, BDSM requires a detailed discussion on what to do. You and your partner will have to agree on your limits and desires. You can include several safewords that range from a mild warning to a stop-ASAP signal with limits. It’s always advisable to make an agreement on paper before each session. That way, you can determine the specific activities that will occur during the session. It’s possible to discuss the duration of those activities along with other details regarding equipment and sexual acts. A written agreement will be much easier to stick to as opposed to a verbal one. With it, you and your partner will gain better control over your impulses and therefore minimize the risk of injury.
Finally, you should also consider aftercare. This is an essential practice that will allow you to return to reality once the session ends. It can help with any sustained pain and minimize mental trauma. Aftercare methods like cuddling and offering emotional support will also allow you to reminisce and connect to your partner on a deeper level.
Final Thoughts on BDSM Safety
In conclusion, it’s not always easy for both partners to contain their sexual urges during risky moments. But, if you do your research and learn about the safe handling of equipment and other safety practices, you could have a safe, sane, and consensual yet incredibly dirty and kinky BDSM session. Good luck!