The BDSM scene is full of different people with unique kinks. But having fun with someone is just one step of the way. You also need to worry about what happens after the session is over. Here, we will take a look at one of the most important parts of BDSM relationships — aftercare.
Solo Kinkster Lifestyle
One of the first things we need to understand is that you can enjoy BDSM even if you are single. There is no reason why you shouldn’t have fun on your own. Now that we understand that let’s see what some of your options are.
Firstly, you can go out and meet other kinksters interested in BDSM play. But, you can enjoy every single aspect of BDSM alone if that’s what you want. People often believe that spanking or bondage is pointless if there is no one to see it. That’s just plain wrong. Even if you don’t have a play partner, you can still enjoy intense sessions by yourself.
There are numerous people out there who enjoy self-bondage or self-spanking, and the effect is the same. BDSM is what you make it to be, and if you don’t feel like having an audience, that’s perfectly fine. Of course, you can always find like-minded people to share a scene with you, but aftercare is important regardless if you are going solo or playing with someone else.
The Importance of Aftercare
BDSM aftercare is everything that comes after the session, and it is crucial. It doesn’t matter if you are alone or with a partner. You still need to take care of yourself. Naturally, it mostly depends on the type of play you enjoy. Some people might require less coddling than others.
It is possible that you will encounter people who aren’t really into aftercare, and they won’t stick around to share this part of the journey with you. But that doesn’t mean that you should skip it if they aren’t into it. Aftercare is important, and if they don’t assist you, you need to do it alone.
Once you’ve had enough pleasure, there is a significant drop in energy in you and your partner. There are many things that can happen afterward, and you or your partner might need emotional and physical support.
Here is a brief list of some of the things you can do as a part of the aftercare.
- Take off toys and gear.
- Clean everything.
- Take your partner somewhere warm or off the floor.
- Disinfecting and applying ointments.
- Taking painkillers (if needed), vitamins, supplements, and others.
- Offering water.
- Power drinks and chocolate.
- Hugging and cuddling.
- Reassurance
- Spending time together, maybe watching a movie.
- Others.
The aftercare is not rocket science. It is about caring and showing appreciation. Furthermore, if there are any wounds, bruises, or pain, it needs to be addressed as soon as possible. Aftercare is about ensuring everything is ok and spending time together. Of course, some people are not into aftercare at all (if you are going solo), and that’s fine. You can’t force anyone to do something they don’t want. But it is important to take these steps alone.
You might also want to know these BDSM Aftercare techniques.
Get Your Own Aftercare Kit
One of the smartest things you could do is to create your own aftercare kit. Its contents should depend on the type of play you enjoy and what you might need after the scene is over. Create a list of items that will help you recover and put them all in a box.
Some of the items you might want to consider are first aid kits, painkillers, disinfectants, and anything that can help you tend the wound. But medications aren’t the only thing you might need post-scene. Be creative. Add some sweets, your favorite movie, energy drinks, items for a bubble bath, and anything else.
Get to Know Your Needs
One of the tricks you can do is to get to know your needs. That includes your needs both during and after the scene. Ask yourself what the things you enjoy are and figure out what it is that doesn’t seem too exciting. Get to know your limits. Create a list if you have to. You need to understand what is pleasurable for you and what some of the things you don’t plan on doing are.
When it comes to the post-scene treatment, think about everything that makes you feel great. What are your cravings after adrenaline drops? As we mentioned, an aftercare kit can contain anything you want, so be sure to keep things you might need within your reach.
Respect Your Limits
When you understand your limits, stick to them. There is no shame in backing out, and no one should make you feel like you are worthless because you are unwilling to do something. The very idea of BDSM is to feel good. Don’t mind what movies like “50 Shades of Grey” have to say. They aren’t an accurate representation of the BDSM subculture. No one should force you to do something you are not comfortable doing. Safewords exist for a reason.
And the worst-case scenario is someone not giving you the respect you deserve because you are unwilling to do something or you have reached your limits. So, what? If you are going solo, it doesn’t matter. You aren’t really involved with anyone, and only your opinion matters. It just shows you that you are better off without them. The only thing that matters is you. And if someone is unable to respect your boundaries? Well, fuck them (not literally)!
You Don’t Have to Be Alone
If all of this seems frightening to you, you should know that there is a community full of people who would love to help you along the way. And that includes aftercare as well. You don’t have to be alone, and you don’t need to go through it by yourself if you don’t want to.
There is always a community you can run to for aftercare, and they will be more than happy to help you. Even if you are not a part of the huge BDSM group, you can still talk to your friends or anyone available to lend you their ear.
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